Helpless.

Hey everyone! How are you this wonderful Thursday night? I am currently enjoy the Hamilton soundtrack (hence the title for this post) & watching Pride & Prejudice on Netflix. I just couldn’t help but start a post tonight to just get my happy thoughts out.

I haven’t felt this happy in a long long time! It has been about 10 years since I’ve felt this type of happiness. I honestly don’t know how to even describe this happiness.

If you told me 6 years ago, heck even maybe 2 years ago that I would be this happy, I would have laughed in your face. I did not ever expect my life to turn out the way it is going. It is truly thanks to God and my anti-depressants. Years and years ago, I prayed and prayed for days like these.

It is honestly the best days of my life. I get to work 2 jobs that I love, get to be with my family, and enjoy hanging with my boys each day. Nothing could get better than this.

I am truly blessed and I hope God grants you your prayers.

Mental & physical health.

Hey everyone! How are you doing in week 500 billion of this lovely lockdown as I call it. lol I am doing pretty well for everything that is happening. I am making sure my family is safe and taken care of.

I am currently typing this as the Hamilton soundtrack is playing and trying to figure out some things to do for the next few days.

But that isn’t what I wanted to type about today. These past couple of weeks, I have been doing home exercises. What started this you are probably wondering? Well about 3 weeks about I was looking at myself in the mirror and honestly didn’t really like what I was seeing. So I decided to change that. I cold turkey cut out soda, sweets, and fast food from my life. I started to drink only water and eating as healthy as I can. I also started doing some exercises that I do throughout the day. Doing the exercises and eating healthy… oh I forgot I am also doing an intermediate fasting, that us where you only eating during an 8 hour period and the rest of the time you fast. So, I eat between 12-8pm. Every morning, I wake up I feel more awake, I don’t feel hungry when I shouldn’t be eating, and I just have more energy.

The best part about this new found energy, healthy eating, and exercising is that my mental health is so much better!! I am truly blessed also that I am more into my praying to God and being close to my faith. I am more positive and not fearful anymore for my present and future. My past doesn’t have a hold on me anymore and that is another thing that is important to my mental health. Letting that go is the best thing to do. I currently am excited to see what my future holds and can’t wait to do all the things I want to do.

I hate to end this here but I have to go take care of the boys. I hope you all have a good day.

How do you all do it?

Hey everyone! How are you guys!? I know I haven’t been on here in a long time but I hope with my new time schedule I am trying to do, that I maybe be able to type more on here… we will see.

Anywho! How can the blog masters of the world do what you do by having many days of blogs ready to post and still live your life everyday!? Tell me… please share your tips!! I would really appreciate it.

How has life been though for everyone during this crazy time in all of our lives? I think I am finally figuring out this thing called life in our new life. lol I am finally able to find time for myself, to exercise, do bible study, and now hopefully blog better. I am just trying to figure out where and how do to other things also, but it’ll be okay.

I hate that I am cutting this blog so short but the thought in my head, left. lol so I will post later soon.

I hope you have a nice day.

My Grandpa.♡

Hey everyone, how are you all doing during this extended shelter in place? I am doing decently okay, In 3 days I will be going back to work. I am truly blessed and lucky that I will be able to go back to work and make money for my family.

Over the past few days, I have just felt very blah but at the same time appreciative towards my grandparents, especially my grandpa.

When you are born, if you are lucky you will have your mom and dad either together, or broken up but your parents will still be in your life. Unfortunately for my “father”, he wasn’t in my life at all. Not my loss, it is his. It has taken me years to learn and accept that it wasn’t my fault he left… Anywho back to what I was saying, I was lucky enough to have my grandpa step up and raise me as one of his own kids (aka my mom & uncle).

He taught me, how to garden, bbq, love all bugs & animals, love going camping and just love nature in general! This weekend (yesterday & today), we built a planter box together. Him doing all the “Oh, I’m going to use the power saw and you watch me.” Even, though I wanted to do it. lol

This past week, we got some updates on MRI’s & cancer blood tests that he needed to do and it was all good news. Thank God. If you are new to reading this, about 2 years ago or so, my grandpa had gone to the Dr. & they found a tumor inside his brain, we didn’t know if it was cancerous or not until last year. He was able to live with the tumor until a year ago when it grew a tiny little bit and they decided to take it out. When they took the tumor out, the Drs. had found that most to all the tumor wasn’t cancerous but only 2 little pockets had stage 4 Glioblastoma. When we found that out, the Drs. put him straight to chemo & radiation. He has been done with both for a while now but he does wear this cap type of thing that sends these weird wave things to the area where the cancer was to keep the cancer cells down and it works!

After his surgery for his follow up appointment, they had said he would be acting like he went through a stroke, there are still some of those signs there but not many. The Drs. also said that he might be experiencing some onset Dementia later in time and it hasn’t really popped up until more lately like the past few months. I am trained for this because when I was in my early teens until I was 20, I helped take care of my Papa (my great grandpa) when I would go down to L.A., he had Alzheimer’s and it was a hard experience to go through but so good to also go through because I am able to transfer what I learned from my Papa to my grandpa. They are 2 totally different situations but the same patience and understanding is needed.

I am truly blessed though, that my grandpa is still the same with his long term memory, his short term isn’t the best but it is always a learning moment.

I hope this little post has let you all into my world a little bit more than I have before. I hope you all had a good day even with being stuck in the house.

The Letter "J" on Pinterest | Letter J, J Tattoo and Letters ...

My Jumbled Post

Hey everyone, how are you all doing today? It is day 8 for me in Self Isolation… if that is the right word to call it. I have 21 days left & they feel like they are going by so fast but also so slow. I am at a point where I am able to just sit and relax without thinking I have to go somewhere (Introvert life!).

I am okay with being able to be stuck in my house. I have been like this for awhile now, it wasn’t also by choice. About three years ago, I had this incident where the views of the world where changed for me & for a good amount of time, I was scared to even leave my house. With all this going on around us, some of that anxiety, I felt all those years ago is popping back up and I am content with never leaving my house.

The only thing I really really miss is going to Job 1… I think that is what I am thinking of. lol Job 1 is my “desk” job. It is the job I started almost 5 years ago (it’ll be 5 yrs in July), & I miss it so much! Being on this shelter in place or whatever it is called, really makes me miss it, I haven’t been there in a month & I just want to get back to it. I know all this shelter in place and whatnot is to keep everyone safe but I just miss my job.

Ok… I was going to start typing something else but it completely slipped out of my mind.. haha

I think I remember what it was. haha

Oh yeah… What is being content in life? Is it having everything you wanted at a arms distance away? Is it not having what you had hoped or dreamed for but knowing you may get it one day? What is being content in life for you??

Being content in life for me is what I am doing right now.. being able to just enjoy the quiet time of the day by myself for a bit before I have to do “household” things. Being able to let go of the past and hope for a better future. Saying Sorry to someone that once was my best friend & hoping one day we will be able to move past the past & become acquaintances. Being able to pray to God & be religious my own way, that I know how to be. Having social media accounts where I am comfortable being myself. This is what being content in life is about for me, loving the life that I make my own, in my own way. It is a true blessing for me to be able to live my life my way. It took me so many years, to understand where I fit in… but I fit in, in my own bubble and I love that small bubble.

I hope everyone that is reading this can find their own content life..

I hope you all have a blessed amazing wonderfully self isolated day.

Be safe in the world, if you do go out!

♡ Jes!

Forgive.

Hey Everyone!! How are you all doing this crazy time in our lives?? I am doing as well as can be.. I am on my 5 day of being in total self isolation. I didn’t start as soon as everyone else because where I work is in the umbrella of being essential for the area I live in. So I was working up until about almost a week ago, I decided after praying and praying that I would take LOA (Leave Of Absence). I get about a month off and then I will decide at the end if I want to go back or if I will take a longer LOA

Anywho back on to the topic of today… forgive… what is forgive? Well the definition of forgive from https://www.merriam-webster.com is:

forgive

for·​give | \ fər-ˈgiv  , fȯr- \forgave\ fər-​ˈgāv  , fȯr-​ \; forgiven\ fər-​ˈgi-​vən  , fȯr-​ \; forgiving

Definition of forgive

transitive verb1: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) PARDONforgive one’s enemies2a: to give up resentment of or claim to requital (see REQUITAL sense 1) forforgive an insultb: to grant relief from payment offorgive a debt

intransitive verbto grant forgivenesshad to learn to forgive and forget

I have had a very up and down feeling with this word for majority of my 20’s.. but for me to grow and as time goes on in my life, I needed to figure out how to forgive the people in my past & in my life now. It took a lot of praying to God, to get to where I am at this moment in time. I had a sudden feeling or urge or whatever you want to call it, and it just felt like the time to reach out to a person, who was once my friend and apologize to them for my part in hurting them. I never meant to hurt them at all in the situation but it did and today thanks to God & prayer, I reached out and said sorry. It wasn’t hard for me to do because this apology was long long overdue for them.

Saying sorry is never an easy thing to do but when you know it is long over due and it needs to happen for you to even feel okay, then you go and apologize.

I may never in life get the apologies that I know I deserve but it is okay because I know what I did as a person was the right thing to do, so I will forgive the people in my past who have hurt me and be okay in life from now on.

So if you feel like you hurt someone or did them wrong in a situation, then become the bigger person and go apologize to them. If you feel like you don’t need to then pray to God to help you find the answer. I did and I feel so much better.

Also if you find that you aren’t getting an apology from someone that hurt you and did you wrong in the past, then pray to God to help you be okay without that apology. It doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to get that apology, it just means that, that person isn’t ready mentally to give it to you.

I hope everyone has an amazing, safe, self isolated day!

♡ Jes!

Watching, reading, happiness..

Hey everyone, how is everyone doing through this crazy time? I hope you all are staying inside and being safe! First I want to say thank you to whomever reads this and you are first responders, nurses, doctors, retail workers that go to work because your job is essential, and grocery workers. I thank you for all you are doing during this crazy time.

I am somewhat being able to cope with being in the house during this self-isolation stage. It was really hard in the beginning because I was so used to going to both of my jobs and doing what I needed outside of the house. Now I just down to working one of my jobs and staying in the house, the rest of the time. I’m grateful to be working at one of my jobs and helping in what I need to help with, it is I just wish this was over so I can get back to normal.

Right now I am just enjoying binge watching All American, Party Of Five, On My Block, and many other shows on Netflix. I have tried to read my books because this is apparently the best time to read since we can’t do anything else, and I can’t. I just don’t have the motivation to pick up a book. I honestly even haven’t even opened up my bible either. I feel so bad for not even thinking about reading it but there is something just stopping me from doing that. Tonight though, I will attempt to read my books and bible. Even if that means staying up all night to get the motivation to read.

I know this blog post will not really flow but really do any of my posts flow well together? Probably not. haha I was wondering if you guys had one piece of jewelry that you have gotten when you were upset or happy and you wore it every day? Like to the point where you would literally have a freak out or anxiety attack if you didn’t have it on or you thought you lost it?? Well I had a piece of jewelry like that. It was a piece that kept my good, amazing memories and it also held the heartbroken, sad memories in this one little piece of jewelry. I had gotten it to hold those memories close to me, but this past week, I just felt like I didn’t need to wear it anymore at all and it is placed in a special place on my dresser and i’m okay with not wearing it anymore. When I took it off, I just honestly felt free. Free of the pain and hurt but also free of the being stuck. Like scissors cutting a string to all the memories and feelings. I am truly truly happy right now as I type this.

With this new found somewhat freedom, I may now truly have time to type out more blog posts but I truly don’t make any promises. Because me with making that promise, is like me going sky diving… never going to happen! haha

As I end this post tonight, I hope all of you are being safe during this time. Stay inside, only go out when really truly needed, and enjoy doing things for your home that you were to busy to do before.

♡ Jes!

Books, New IG, Life.

Hey everyone! How are you all doing on this beautiful Saturday?? I’m currently sitting at my desk at work just reading my book and getting some work done before heading home.

I haven’t really been on here and as I have said before, I would change that but I make no promises that I know I can’t keep. As long as I believe in the changes that will be up and coming, I maybe able to find some time to actually get back to writing… well more like typing on here.

Anywho! I have been really getting back into reading and enjoying it (duh! I have always enjoyed reading. haha) I read a book in one day, well from Wednesday night to Thursday night. I haven’t done that in a while! The book is called The Upside of Falling by Alex Light. It is a pretty awesome book that I didn’t want to put down at all. I will not give any spoilers or anything! haha I’m currently reading Love at First Like, it is about a woman who owns a jewelry store in Brooklyn, New York and she ends up accidentally posting a “engagement” photo on Instagram… I will leave it at that. I would also recommend this book!

I also have made a new Instagram account. I made it so I could post more of the bible verses I love, photos I post on here & on twitter, and I made it just because I feel like I didn’t want to over post on my personal Instagram. So I made a new one, my name for it is ImJesusita and I hope you take a chance to follow it and if not that is okay to!

Life has been really hectic but in a good way and just like this post just jumping all over the place. haha I’ve had time to really be by myself and really concentrate what is important to me and what I need to be a better me. I have lost sight on some things (aka like typing more on here) but I promise I am finding my way back to certain things, that I really need to concentrate on and keep as a number one priority in my life.

Life for me is good and at a content place. I am just trying to figure out six somethings that I will speak about more about in the next upcoming weeks… hopefully.

I hope everyone has a great rest of your Saturday and I hope I’ll be able to type more soon!

♡ Jes.

Not saying i’m back.. but i’m kinda back!

Hey everyone! Happy New Year! I can’t believe it is a new year and decade!

I am not 100% on blogging but I decided since it is a new year and I am in a better head space then I should start up again. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season! I know I did and am really happy with how the end of the year went.

This year what are some of the the things that you plan to either change, fix or continue in the new year/decade? I would love to read your plans! I plan to be a bit more organized, be connected to God a lot more and just be happy in general! I will explain each one further in the post.

I don’t really believe in New Year’s Resolutions or the New Year, New Me stuff anymore. I used to but now I don’t. Just after my great grandma passed in 2010, I realized that being a new you isn’t real because you take your heartache and depression with you into the new year and really every year after that. So I just decided to make plans that I try to keep throughout the year and if I don’t then I won’t punish myself for not following through.

Many of my things I have decided to do for the new year are really things that I have tried to work on in 2019 especially towards the end. I am trying to become a lot more organized, so I bought myself a pocket calendar for my bag and one big calendar for my desk at work. So we will see if it will kinda help me keep my dates in check for work and just things I need to do for the boys.

The next thing I am hoping to get better at is to be able to type what I want for here and actually being confident enough to press the publish button and not care if my blogs get read or not. This space is for me and if someone wants to read it, cool and if not then that is cool to. I just want to have that safe space of typing things and being able to be myself on a bigger platform than just my outside world and inside my head.

Some of my other things I want to do or at least attempt is eating healthier, eat less junk, and not eat out as much. I did well today (1/9), I stayed away from the restaurant near my job and ate the lunch I took in to work today! But especially for Lent, I plan to give up caffeine, soda, and coffee. Soooo we will see if I can do it!!

I also plan to be better with having a time to pray, do my 21 day challenges (that Helen Elizabeth does), and just overall have a better relationship with God. He has done some unexpected things in my life these past months, that I have been off of here and I am ready to just be better at praying and thanking God for everything.

This Saturday will be the first 21 day challenge of 2020 with Helen Elizabeth and I can not wait! I plan every month starting on the 11th, I will do my own 21 day challenge for the rest of the year and I really hope I have the motivation to keep it going through the end of the year!

Another thing I plan to do when it comes to my blogging is I won’t get upset with myself for not finishing a blog in one day and posting it. I will take my time typing them and hey if I don’t finish it in one day then i’ll continue it the next and maybe post it another day… like tonight’s post. These are all things I have to work on but I am hoping i’ll be okay with them!

The last thing I plan to do is be truly happy and today (1/10) was it. I was for once since 2010 truly happy and I can’t wait to tell you in my next blog post about it!

I hope you all enjoyed my post for tonight and I will hopefully be back soonish!

♡ Jes!

On hold.

Hey everyone, how is everyone doing?

I’m sorry to say this (not like anyone really cares) but I’m going to be putting my blog on hold until I get better with my depression. I haven’t found the heart to type or really do anything.

I’m sorry.

♡ Jes.